Monday, October 19, 2009


I'm reading an interesting (and frightenign) book about narcissism(such a difficult word!). Sata tapaa tappaa sielu ( one hundred ways to kill a soul) by Tuija Välipakka and Arja Lehtosaari.
Have you known a person who at first seems to be almost perfect and afterwards turn out to be something quite different? I've known such a person, but i'm happy to say that i've cut her out of my life. She knows many of my friends, so i still have to see her from time to time, but not too often. This book made me understand alot of things that happened between us. I know now that she's sick. I started realising that something was wrong with her when she started talkin s*it about people we both know. She demanded attention all the time. She needed people to admire her. She was desperate to find someone to love( or more likely someone to love her). She treated people the way she wanted, ignoring the fact that she was hurting them (even her "best friend)". Everything was always somebody else's fault. The last thing i said to her was that she should get help. I hope she can get well, and can finally be happy.

It's heartbreaking to read the stories of the victims of narcissism. It's hard to understand the amount of humiliation, pain and misery they had to experience.

Hotchkiss's seven deadly sins of narcissism

Hotchkiss identified what he called the seven deadly sins of narcissism:

Shamelessness - Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

Magical thinking - Narcissists see themselves as perfect using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to shame dump onto others.

Arrogance - If a narcissist is feeling deflated, he can reinflate himself by diminishing, debasing or degrading somebody else.

Envy - If the narcissist's need to secure a sense of superiority meets and obstacle because of somebody else, he neutralises it using contempt to minimise the other person's ability

Entitlement - Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves uniquely special. Any failure to comply will be considered an attack on their superiority. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.

Exploitation - can take many forms but always involves the using of others without regards for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.

Bad Boundaries - narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist will be treated as if they are part of the narcissist and be expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.
(Hotchkiss, Sandy & Masterson, James F. Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (2003))

.'Echo and Narcissus' by John William Waterhouse.

The name "narcissism" is derived the from the Greek mythology of Narcissus. Narcissus was a handsome young man who fell in love with he's own image and turned into a flover.
More about Narcissus.

1 comment:

  1. It´s really exhausting to be close with narcissistic person. My ex was like that, and it still feels awful to see him by accident, even though we split up over two years ago. I have to read that book!! Thanks for a tip :)


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